Archive for the ‘Mood’ Category



June 12, 2007

While perusing the latest batch of posts at K’s Weird Cake, I happened upon this wonderful little gem:

Your Emoticon is Grumpy
Maybe you’re having a bad day… or maybe something just upset you. Either way, you’re definitely seeing red!

What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?

I would have been surprised if the thing had come back and called me fluffy (there was a question in there asking about what kind of weather I’d compare my current mood to … I answered with the crazy hail storm). This cuts it, though – combined with my last aura photography session showing me sitting in an orange and red ball of rage (the photographer suggested I take up drumming, lol) – I’m going to have to admit that I’m just prone to bad moods ;-)

I am actually half-ass-tempted to use this questionnaire in the future for estimating my mood – when I have to sit down and just figure it out on my own, I always manage to confuse myself.


New Addictions

June 12, 2007

My apologies for not having posted in here since last week. I discovered something that’s been around for a while but, like so many other things that people take for granted, I didn’t figure out the marvelous potentials for until just recently: YouTube. Yep, I was able to see music videos I haven’t seen in years (and even a few I’d simply never seen before, having been deprived of Mtv when I was a kid). I was able to catch sneak peeks at a new Kevin Smith film (Kevin Smith, aka Silent Bob to those who don’t bother with things like credits, is one of the top five people in the world I’d like to spend half a day hanging out with – the man’s a cynical genius in my opinion, and a dedicated Star Wars fan!). I got turned on to searching out other videos, mostly fan fiction for Star Wars (I hadn’t looked for anything along these lines since the days when Troops first came out) … Read the rest of this entry ?


Brain Scanning

June 8, 2007

Today was not quite so good as yesterday – but I’ll gladly take it over the other days I had this week. One issue that came up today, and it’s come up a lot lately, is trying to judge whether or not an angry reaction is justified or not … for me, I’ve learned to wait a day or two and see if I’m still outraged by something. The problem with this is that it means I either risk reacting too quickly to something that I realize was nothing only a few days afterward – or I swallow my reactions down until it’s basically too late to react at all.

Anyway, I stumbled across this article today, from Psych Central News, about how new neuroimaging techniques may be used not only to pin down the underlying cause for bipolar disorder (and other psychiatric disorders); but also as a diagnostic tool, so doctors could more effectively screen for these disorders before the full onslaught of symptoms present themselves.  I see this as being something worth developing, although I can also see where something like this might open up a can of worms.

First, the good news is that if this technology might help to pin down the underlying causes of bipolar disorder, it might just help researchers move toward a cure. I understand something like that would be a long way away; but it could also lead to more effective treatments of symptoms along the way. I think it’s also good that such scans could be used in an almost proactive way, identifying the disorder in someone before the disorder has enough time to waste, ruin or end someone’s life. The other thing I’m keeping in mind is along the lines of the concluding remarks in a John McManamy article, titled “Brain Scans:”

“The next time you encounter a skeptic who tells you your illness is all in your head, you may want to download and print brain scans and keep them handy for future encounters. At the very least, these images eloquently portray in a way that words cannot that our illness is demonstrably real.” 

Such scans could help to combat the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder; but, in the wrong environment, such scans could also alienate people who are not yet experiencing symptoms. We live in an age now where credit checks are done for job candidates, or for people who wish to adopt a child – what if brain scans were also to become a legitimate part of the selection process? Psychological evaluations already exist, brain scans could take such evaluations to much higher levels, and preclude gifted and talented people from participating in jobs and activities, rather than include, before a single symptom were ever experienced.


Aftermath, p. 2

June 7, 2007

Wow … I think I actually had a good day. I didn’t do much of anything – stayed locked down indoors due to the outrageous pollen fog outside, and kept the blinds drawn all day to try to keep the temperature cool (we don’t have a lot of a/c units up here). No rage surges, no deep wells of depression – got good news from a few different directions. There were a few points in the day where I might have felt a little guilty about how well my day was going … but the guilt actually passed. I’m not really sure I know what to say, especially coming off a day like yesterday, except, wow.

The best way to describe it would be thusly …

My brain yesterday:
Titanic Inevitability

My brain today:
Fuzzy Mirth



June 7, 2007

Well how this day has ridden the tail of yesterday has already been interesting for me. While yesterday morning seemed to go pretty well, the rest of the day sort of spiraled on me. I wound up missing my bedtime by a few hours. Well, the aftermath results for me are that I actually got up earlier today than I have since starting the bedtime routine (I was averaging wake-up times around 09:30, after going to bed at 22:30) – after going to bed at around 01:30 this morning, I got up at 06:00! I can also say that, while my head’s feeling really fuzzy at the moment, I slept better for those few hours this morning than I’ve slept all week. This reminds me of when I used to burn myself out in the past so I could sleep … basically go a couple days without sleep so when I would finally drop, I’d drop hard and actually sleep. The only difference is that I don’t feel quite as refreshed today as I ordinarily would. So far, my mood’s held – with luck, it’ll hold for the rest of the day :-)



June 6, 2007

It’s now after 23:38. For those who have been reading along this past week, you’ll know that this means it’s already an hour after my new ‘bedtime’. Today’s been a pretty tough one for me. It started out well enough – I’d overslept again, but once I got up I was feeling light-hearted and at times, outright festive. As the day progressed, I started having periods where dark thoughts would creep into my mind, and also had bouts where I felt combative toward people around me, inanimate objects that just wouldn’t bow to my will, and just about everything else there for a while. Basically, my mind kept bouncing from a dark well of despair, to a roaring surge of rage, with occasional overlap – I’m not going to call it ‘bad’ since I was able to keep myself <mostly> in check – but I have noticed that this is getting worse for me, harder for me to keep in check, and it’s costing me a lot more to keep the genie in the bottle. I’m supposed to see my psychiatrist in a week, and I’m actually hoping he’ll up my dosage.

For right now, I may suspend my bedtime routine – talk it over with my doctor, although I can’t fathom why a set bedtime would affect my moods in a bad way – at the very least, since it’s already late, I’m going to play hooky tonight :-)